Getting to Know Your Parts: A Step-by-Step Guide to Protector Interviews
Have you ever felt like there are different voices inside your head, each with its own thoughts, feelings, and intentions? If so, you're not alone. These inner voices, often referred to as "parts" in Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, play a significant role in shaping our thoughts, behaviors, and emotions.
Understanding and getting to know these parts is a fundamental aspect of IFS therapy. In this article, you’ll get to know the concept of protector parts and you’ll a step-by-step guide to conducting protector interviews—a powerful technique for discovering and understanding your own protectors.
Understanding Protector Parts
Protectors are a category of parts within the IFS model. These parts have taken on specific roles with the intention of safeguarding us from perceived threats. They are like the guardians of our inner world, working tirelessly to shield us from emotional pain, trauma, or anything they believe might harm us.
Protectors can manifest in various ways, and you may be familiar with some of them. Common protector parts include the inner critic, the perfectionist, the caretaker, the skeptic, and the controller. Each protector has its own unique strategies and beliefs about how to keep us safe.
For example, your inner critic might constantly judge and criticize you, thinking that by doing so, it can prevent others from criticising you first. Your perfectionist may push you to achieve unrealistic standards, believing that perfection will shield you from rejection or failure. These protectors operate with the best of intentions, even if their methods sometimes lead to self-sabotage or inner conflict.
To fully grasp the role of protector parts, it's essential to understand the concept of exiles. Exiles are another group of parts, who hold the emotional pain, memories, and traumatic experiences that we've endured throughout our lives, often dating back to childhood. These experiences may include painful memories of rejection, abandonment, abuse, or any event that left us feeling overwhelmed and unable to cope.
Protector parts respond to these exiled parts' pain and vulnerability. They take on specific roles and strategies to prevent the reemergence of these painful feelings and memories. It's as if protectors stand at the gates of our inner world, ensuring that exiles remain hidden and protected from further harm. They believe that by doing so, they are safeguarding us from experiencing the pain and distress associated with these exiled emotions and memories.
The Importance of Protector Interviews
Conducting protector interviews is a crucial step in IFS therapy, as it allows you to establish a deeper connection with your protectors, understand their positive intentions, and work towards harmony within your internal system. These interviews serve as a bridge between your conscious awareness and the hidden aspects of your inner world.
By engaging in protector interviews, you can achieve several essential goals:
Awareness: Protector interviews bring these hidden parts into your conscious awareness. You get to know them, their roles, and their unique qualities. This awareness is the first step toward healing and transformation.
Understanding: Through open and compassionate dialogue, you can understand why each protector behaves the way it does. You'll uncover their beliefs about how they're helping you and learn about their fears and concerns.
Cooperation: The ultimate goal of IFS therapy is to foster harmony and cooperation among your parts. Protector interviews facilitate this process by building trust and rapport with your protectors, creating a safe space for them to share their experiences.
Self-Compassion: As you understand your protectors' positive intentions, you can develop greater self-compassion. Instead of seeing yourself as flawed or broken, you'll recognise that these protectors are simply trying to protect you from past wounds.
Identifying your exiles: By interviewing your protectors, you can start getting a sense of the exiles they’re protecting. Building trust with your protectors will help pave the way to healing your exiles. Not having to protect exiled parts is ultimately what enables protectors to take on a new helpful role.
Now, let's dive into the step-by-step guide for conducting protector interviews.
Step-by-Step Guide to Protector Interviews
1. Identify the Protector You Want to Interview
Reflect on a specific protector that you'd like to connect with. It could be one whose actions or thoughts frequently trouble you or one you're curious to understand better.
2. Unblend from Other Parts
Before initiating a protector interview, check how you feel towards the protector you want to engage with. If you sense resistance, fear, or any other negative emotion, this could indicate the presence of another part that needs attention first. You might need to ask this reluctant part to step aside temporarily, ensuring that you are in a curious, open, and compassionate state of mind.
3. Connecting with the Protector
See if you get a sense of the part’s presence. You might see it, feel it in your body, or sense its presence somewhere around you. Let the part know that you’re curious to learn more about it and see how it reacts. You might hear the part speak, see an image, or just get a sense of the part’s energy.
3. Initiating the Conversation
If the part is open to connecting with you, let the part know that your intention is to understand its role better and ask if it is open to telling you more about itself.
4. Exploring the Protector's Role
Start by asking open-ended questions to explore the protector's role and intentions. Encourage it to share its perspective and insights. For instance:
"What is your role in my life?"
"How do you try to protect me?"
“How long have you had this role?”
"What positive intentions do you have for me?"
"What are you afraid might happen if you didn't perform this role?"
5. Listening with Compassion
As the protector speaks, remember that the protector's actions, no matter how challenging they may seem, originate from a place of positive intent. If you notice parts that get critical or reactive, ask them if they can give you space so you can continue learning about the protector.
6. Acknowledging and Validating
Ensure that the protector feels heard and acknowledged. Validate its efforts and intentions, even if you don't fully agree with its methods.
7. Expressing Gratitude
As the interview concludes, express gratitude once again for the protector's willingness to communicate. Assure it that you are committed to working together towards the well-being of your entire internal system.
The aim of a protector interview is not to force the protector to relinquish its role but to build trust and collaboration. By approaching this process with patience and compassion, you will pave the way for more healing in the future.
8. Repeat as Needed
You can conduct protector interviews with different protectors as often as you like. Each interview can unveil new layers of self-awareness.
Final Thoughts
Protector interviews are a valuable tool in your journey of self-discovery and healing. By understanding and befriending your protectors, you can transform inner conflicts into cooperation and move towards a more balanced and compassionate relationship with yourself. Remember that this process takes time, so be patient with yourself as you explore your inner system.
