How to Do a U-Turn with IFS: A Step-by-Step Guide

In IFS, we sometimes talk about the idea of doing a U-turn. But what does that actually mean?

When we’re activated by something such as someone’s comment, a partner’s withdrawal, a friend not texting back, it’s easy to stay focused on them: what they did, why it bothers us, how they should change.

A U-turn is the shift from looking outward to looking inward. It’s not about seeing the other person, or ourselves, as the problem, but it’s about getting curious about our own internal reaction, the parts of us that got stirred up, and what they might need.

This post walks you through how to do a U-turn. You don’t need to be an expert in IFS; if you’ve ever noticed that a part of you reacts strongly to something someone else does, you already have what you need to start.

Step 1: Notice the External Trigger

Begin by naming what happened. Try to be as factual as possible. For example:

• “My friend didn’t respond to my message.”

• “My date cancelled last minute.”

• “My partner didn’t seem interested when I told them something important.”

Step 2: Identify the Part That Reacted

Tune in to your internal experience. What part of you came up in response? Maybe it’s:

• A part that felt rejected

• A part that got angry

• A part that felt panicked, like something bad is about to happen

• A part that started analysing or looping

• A part that wanted to withdraw, saying "I don't need them anyway"

Try to describe the part by saying out loud or writing down what you notice about it. For example, “A part of me got really anxious,” or “There’s a part that wants to shut down.”

When we get triggered, we might have a whole cast of characters that show up. If you feel like there are a lot of parts active, you can choose the one that reacted the strongest, or the one that you feel most openness and curiosity towards in the moment.

Step 3: Turn Toward That Part

Here comes the U-turn: instead of staying focused on the other person, turn your attention towards the part of you that was triggered. Spend some time seeing what else you can notice about the part.

You can use these questions as guidance:

• Do you feel this part somewhere in your body?

• Do you see this part in your mind's eye? Does it have a shape or does it look like a character?

• Is the part somewhere in the space around you?

• Does this part have any kind of energy, emotion or action linked to it?

Step 4: Get to Know the Part

From a calm and curious place, begin a conversation with the part. You can ask:

• What do you want me to know about how you’re feeling?

• What feels important to you right now?

• What do you wish I understood better about you?

• What do you need from me in this moment?

You don’t have to force answers, instead try to listen and see what comes up. Often, parts respond well to being heard, especially if they’re used to being ignored or criticised. 

If having a dialogue with the part doesn't feel natural, you can try one of the following strategies:

• Let the part write. You can open a blank page and let the part express what it wants to say without censoring or analysing.

• Draw whatever comes to mind when you think of the part. It might be a symbol, a face, a shape, or something abstract.

• Use movement. Allow your body to express how this part feels or what it’s holding.

• Sit quietly with the part and simply sense its presence. You don’t need to do anything, just let it know you’re there.

• Imagine sitting next to the part in your mind’s eye. Visualise being with it, even if no words come.

Step 5: Offer Understanding

Once you’ve understood a bit more about the part’s experience, you can offer some compassion to it, or simply letting it know you understand it a bit better now. You might say:

• “Thank you for letting me know how you're feeling.”

• “It makes sense you reacted that way.”

• “You’ve been carrying this for a long time.”

You might promise the part to check in with it again the following day, or that it can get some more attention in your next therapy session if it wants that.

Step 6: Revisit the External Situation (Optional)

Sometimes after checking in with our parts, the external situation feels different. What felt urgent or unbearable may feel more spacious. You might still need to take action or set boundaries, but it comes from a more grounded place.

And if it doesn’t feel different yet, that’s okay. You’ve still shown your parts that when something difficult happens, you turn to them to check and see what they need.

A Final Comment

Doing a U-turn doesn’t mean ignoring bad behaviour or not setting boundaries. It’s about staying in relationship with your own inner world while navigating the external one. That is what allows us to ultimately both take care of ourselves, and to deal with the external situation with more clarity and confidence.