IFS Therapy and Autism: How Parts Work Can Support Neurodivergent Minds
If you’re autistic and looking into therapy, you might already be tired of models that treat your brain like a problem to fix. Maybe you’ve been to therapy before, and it felt like the goal was to make you more “normal” — more talkative, more eye-contact-y, more okay with things that never felt okay.
IFS (Internal Family Systems) therapy offers a different approach. It’s not about getting rid of your natural traits. It’s about getting curious about your inner world — including all the ways you’ve adapted, protected yourself, and made sense of your experience.
And most importantly? Autism is not a part.
This article explains the difference between autism as a neurotype and parts in the IFS model and how these interact — and why IFS can be such a supportive approach for neurodivergent people.
Understanding Autism Through an IFS Lens
In Internal Family Systems (IFS), parts are subpersonalities — aspects of our mind that take on roles or burdens, often in response to life experiences. Autism, on the other hand, isn’t a role or a burdened part. It’s not something that was created by trauma or needs to be healed. It’s a neurotype — a natural variation in how the brain is wired.
A metaphor that I find helpful when thinking about neurodivergence and parts is hardware vs. software.
Autism is part of the hardware — the foundational wiring of your system. It’s how your brain processes information, how you sense the world, how you relate to time, energy, and connection. It’s something you’re born with. Parts, on the other hand, are more like software. They develop and adapt based on experience, especially in response to stress, trauma and overwhelm. They take on roles to help us function, survive, and feel safe.
As an autistic person moves through life — especially in environments that aren’t designed for their way of being — it’s common to experience chronic invalidation, social exclusion, or sensory overwhelm. These experiences can be traumatic, even if no one intended them to be.
In response, parts step in to protect. You might have parts that manage masking, perfectionism, or people-pleasing. Other parts might carry deep feelings of shame, loneliness, or exhaustion from trying to navigate a world that doesn’t quite fit.
So while autism itself is not a part and doesn’t need to be changed, many autistic people have parts that relate to their neurotype — trying to manage it, hide it, or cope with the impact it’s had on their life.
In IFS, we can work gently with those parts, helping them feel seen and supported, without trying to override or “fix” your neurotype. The goal is not to make you less autistic, but to help your system feel more internally aligned and less burdened.
Why IFS Works Well for Autistic Clients
One of the most affirming things about IFS therapy is that it’s designed to meet you where you are — not where someone else thinks you should be. For autistic clients, this can be a huge relief.
You don’t need to make eye contact or “perform” in any way
Most of my clients close their eyes during sessions — not because they’re avoiding anything, but because it helps them turn inward. In IFS, you’re invited to focus on your inner world in whatever way feels right for you. There’s no pressure to make eye contact, respond quickly, or explain things in a certain way.
Parts can show up in many different ways
Some of my clients create tables or charts where they list their parts and update them over time. Others make collages or visual representations of themselves at different ages — showing what they liked, what they went through, and what parts were active then. Some clients see their parts clearly as images or characters in their mind. Others just sense them or feel them in the body. And some don’t feel much in their bodies at all — and that’s okay too.
There’s no one right way to experience your parts. We don’t assume something’s wrong just because you can’t feel a body sensation or hear a part speak. We work with your system exactly as it is — not with a checklist of how it “should” behave.
IFS honours all your parts — especially the ones that stepped in to protect you
Autistic people often grow up feeling out of sync with the world around them. That can lead to parts forming early on to help you cope — parts that mask, stay silent, blend in, people-please, or shut down. IFS gives us a framework to work with those protectors without blaming or pathologising them. They're not problems — they’re solutions your system created under pressure.
There are no bad parts in IFS. Just parts doing their best to protect you.
The Autistic Self
IFS is based on the idea that we all have a core Self — a calm, compassionate, clear presence that can relate to parts and other people with curiosity and care. IFS Practitioner, educator and researcher Sarah Bergenfield has introduced a concept called the Autistic Self. That means your Self isn’t separate from your neurotype — it includes it. Your Self may not express itself like a neurotypical person’s would, and that’s not a flaw.
Your Self energy might show up through a deep sense of calm when you're alone, engaged in a special interest. Or through a powerful connection with nature or animals. Maybe you feel clearest when creating structure, or most connected when stimming or listening to music. You might feel Self energy with another person without needing to look them in the eyes or have physical contact with them.
There’s no single version of Self. Your autistic Self is still Self — just with its own way of showing up.
Common Parts in an Autistic System
When you’re autistic, navigating the world often means managing a constant stream of social expectations, sensory input, and internal rules — many of which weren’t made with you in mind. So it makes complete sense that over time, different parts step in to help. These parts aren’t the problem — they’ve adapted to a world that can feel overwhelming, rejecting, or confusing.
Here are some of the parts that often show up in autistic systems:
Managers
Managers are the parts that try to keep everything under control. They often do a lot of work behind the scenes — making sure you fit in, stay safe, and avoid being hurt again.
Some common manager parts in autistic systems:
Masking parts
Perfectionistic parts
Parts that scan for social signals
Parts that study social rules or human behaviour
Self-critical parts
Intellectual and analytical parts
Substance use in order to fit in, appear more neurotypical etc.
These parts are usually incredibly smart and capable — but often tired and lonely from carrying so much responsibility for so long.
Firefighters
Firefighters come in when we’ve been triggered by something that has touched a more vulnerable part inside us. Firefighters’ job is to get rid of the pain, fast. They might push you toward escape, distraction, or shutting down completely.
In autistic systems, this might look like:
Emotional meltdowns or shutdowns
Impulsive decisions
Self-harm
Suicidal thoughts
Substance use that is harmful or risky
These parts aren’t irrational — they’re protecting you the only way they know how.
Exiles
These are the parts that carry the pain. They often formed early — through social rejection, bullying, or simply feeling misunderstood again and again.
Exiles may carry beliefs like:
"I'm alone"
"No one gets me"
“I’m always too much.”
IFS doesn’t rush into these parts or try to fix them — we build safety and trust so they no longer have to carry that pain alone.
In IFS, we don’t pathologise any of the strategies our parts have taken. We get curious about them instead. We ask, What are you afraid would happen if you didn’t do this job? And we make space for whatever answers show up.
Over time, these parts often soften — not because we force them to change, but because they no longer feel like they’re carrying the whole system alone.
Closing Thoughts
IFS therapy doesn’t try to make you less autistic. It helps you connect with and help the parts of you that have been trying to survive — sometimes in painful or exhausting ways — because you’re autistic in a neurotypical world.
If this approach resonates with you, I’d love to hear from you. I work with neurodivergent clients (and people who suspect they might be neurodivergent) all over the world. Sessions are online and tailored to fit your needs and pace.
Get in touch to book a free consultation or learn more at ifswithsanni.com
