Managers, Firefighters, Exiles and the Self – Introduction to the different parts and aspects of our system in IFS
Internal Family Systems (IFS) is a therapeutic approach rooted in the understanding that our minds are composed of various subpersonalities or "parts". The core of IFS is building a compassionate relationship with all our parts, which in turn allows our parts to transform and unburden, and start working as a cohesive whole, with our Self in the lead.
In this article I’ll introduce the three different types of parts in IFS: Managers, Firefighters, and Exiles. I’ll also talk about the concept of Self, the innate essence of us that is not a part.
Managers: Proactive Stabilisers
Managers are proactive parts that strive to maintain stability and control in our lives. They often focus on preventing emotional pain or disruption by keeping things in order. Their primary goal is to create safety by organizing, planning, and controlling. Managers are always looking ahead, anticipating challenges, and creating strategies to avoid distress. They work hard to keep us out of vulnerable or chaotic situations. Often, these parts feel like they are us, making it hard to distinguish their voice from our core Self.
Managers might show up as perfectionism, over-planning, or self-criticism, but their ultimate aim is to keep us safe from pain.
In IFS therapy, we often start with getting to know our Managers. We’ll start to understand more about their role in our system and how they’re trying to help us navigate life. As we build trust with Managers, we’ll be able to slowly start getting to know other parts of the system as well.
Firefighters: Reactive Soothers
Firefighters are reactive parts that step in when emotional pain from Exiles is triggered, often with the goal of distracting or soothing us as quickly as possible. They use distraction or numbing techniques to protect us from overwhelming feelings. Unlike Managers, Firefighters are focused on the immediate moment, acting swiftly to put out emotional “fires.” These parts often act impulsively, driven by the urgency to alleviate discomfort. Their methods can include suppressing or hiding painful emotions.
Firefighters might lead us to behaviors like overeating, scrolling endlessly on social media, or engaging in unhealthy substance use. Though these actions can feel harmful or shameful, Firefighters are simply trying to shield us from unbearable feelings.
Firefighters are frequently polarised with Managers. While Firefighters act quickly to soothe or distract, Manager parts often respond by trying to control the behavior: criticising, shaming, or tightening rules. This creates an internal tug-of-war: an exile gets triggered, the Firefighter rushes in to stop the pain, the Manager reacts with judgment or pressure, which can trigger the same exile all over again, especially if the Manager’s criticism echoes old wounds of shame or rejection.
This cycle can leave us feeling stuck or like we’re constantly battling ourselves. But when we begin to understand the intentions behind each part—and especially when we start relating to them from Self—things begin to shift. Managers and Firefighters can start seeing that they’re both trying to protect the same vulnerable places and don’t have to work in opposition.
Exiles: The Vulnerable Ones
Exiles are parts that hold our deepest pain, often stemming from past wounds, traumas, or unmet needs. These parts carry the emotional burdens that Managers and Firefighters work so hard to protect us from.
They hold the weight of unprocessed emotions like shame, fear, or grief, and beliefs such as “I’m worthless”, “I’m unlovable” or “I’m too much”. Exiles are rooted in earlier experiences, often reliving the pain of the past. When triggered, they can flood us with emotion, which is why other parts strive to keep them hidden. Managers and Firefighters often suppress Exiles to prevent their pain from surfacing.
Healing in IFS often involves building trust with Exiles, allowing them to share their stories and unburden their pain.
The Role of the Self
Beneath the manager and firefighter parts is your Self – a calm, confident presence that’s able to relate to all parts with compassion and care. From this place, we’re able to get to know protectors and heal our exiles.
IFS founder Dick Schwartz describes the qualities of Self as the 8 Cs:
Curiosity – An open, non-judgmental interest in what’s going on inside.
Calm – A grounded and steady energy that puts parts at ease.
Clarity – The ability to see things for what they are, without being clouded by fear or overwhelm.
Compassion – A warm-hearted caring for all parts, even those that might seem extreme or hard to accept.
Confidence – A quiet inner knowing that you can handle what’s here.
Creativity – Flexibility and imagination in how we approach healing and connection.
Courage – The strength to face difficult feelings or memories when the time is right.
Connectedness – A sense of inner and outer belonging, to your parts and to the world around you.
That said, Self doesn’t feel the same for everyone. For some people, it starts as a quiet sense of calm or relief. For others, it might feel like warmth, clarity, or gentle confidence. Some feel a special kind of energy in their body. You might not experience all eight Cs right away, or even consciously at first. That’s okay. Over time, as you get more space from your parts and connect more often with Self, you’ll start to recognise what it feels like in your system.
Self is also the healing presence that our exiled parts deeply need; the one who can truly hear their stories, hold their pain, and offer the connection they may have never received before. But often, our protective parts are understandably hesitant to let us go there. That’s why much of IFS work involves building trust with those protectors first, so they can eventually allow access to the parts that are hurting most.
Even if protectors are still very active or intense, Self can begin to build relationships with them. The goal isn’t to get rid of parts but to shift who’s in charge, so instead of a stressed-out Manager running the show or a panicked Firefighter taking over, we have more Self-leadership. Over time, as more parts get to know and trust the Self, they soften and will blend with us less because they know someone is truly there for them.
It’s not realistic to be in Self all the time. We all get blended with parts—it’s part of being human. But with practice, we can start to notice when a part has taken over, and we might not stay in that state as long. Maybe we can access a little curiosity about what that part is trying to do for us. And maybe we can feel more compassion for ourselves, even when protectors are loud or intense.
Why Understanding Parts Matters
When we understand the roles and intentions of our parts, it becomes easier to approach them with compassion rather than judgment. Each part is trying to protect us in the only way it knows how. By connecting with parts from our Self, we can help these parts find new, healthier ways of supporting us. To explore how IFS therapy can support you personally, learn more here.
If IFS resonates with you and you’re ready to start getting to know your parts, you’re welcome to book a free consultation to learn more about how I work with clients through using this approach.
