The Two Faces of Adult ADHD: Balancing the Neurodivergent Mind
Guest post by Lacey Redding – soundmindeurope.com
I met Sanni as a colleague, but our friendship quickly grew stronger as we started having the best (and funniest) conversations about how neurodivergence shows up in our lives. I am an ADHD therapist for adults who utilizes Internal Family Systems (IFS), and Sanni is an IFS therapist who often works with neurodivergent clients. As we talk through our shared experiences and therapeutic overlaps, we keep realizing how helpful IFS principles can be in illuminating the inner experience of adult ADHD.
In my work – and in my own life as an ADHD therapist navigating adult ADHD – I’ve noticed that executive functioning struggles often show up in two distinct ways. Once we start identifying which direction we tend to lean, we’re already well on our way toward helping our parts find balance.
Overfunctional Masking: The Strong Cognitive Manager
ADHDers often develop either a strong cognitive manager or big emotional parts that sweep us away. The first group tends to overcompensate for executive function (EF) difficulties through anxious overfunctioning and perfectionism. They might mask their struggles by repressing emotions and turning into a kind of “machine.”
These ADHDers can appear highly successful or put-together, but this managing part comes at a high cost. They are often plagued by burnout, emotional disconnection and deep self-criticism. They prioritize order and logic, driven by a deep-seated fear of failing or of being “found out.”
Emotional Dysregulation: The ADHD Is Strong with This One
The second group tends toward big emotions and dysregulation, and some of the more “obvious” ADHD manifestations. Without a strong cognitive manager or a grounded “parental” self, symptoms show up as disorganization, forgetfulness and constant emotional noise. Their anxiety is just as real as the first group’s, but instead of speeding up, they often freeze or slow down under the weight of emotional overwhelm.
Finding Balance Through the Self
In both cases, the core challenge is imbalance: some dominant parts are habitually shouting over everyone else. Whether the manager or the big emotion takes the lead, the adult Self isn’t fully present to guide them.
The goal of trauma-informed ADHD therapy for adults is to restore internal balance. Through curiosity and compassion, we help each part feel seen and valued, gently inviting the Self – the wise, grounded “parent” inside – to take its rightful place at the head of the table.
For readers curious about how this approach looks in practice, I share examples and reflections from my own work in trauma-informed ADHD therapy on my website, which can enrich the work you might already be doing with Sanni or another therapist.
Bringing It All Together
In therapy with adults navigating ADHD, treatment is tailored to each person’s internal landscape. Modalities like Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy and Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) both honor complexity, self-acceptance, and emotional depth.
For those who are emotionally dysregulated, DBT skills can offer tangible tools to manage intense feelings and build emotional resilience.
For those with an overworking manager, emotion labeling and somatic techniques can help reconnect clients with their bodies and repressed emotions, fostering a sense of safety and integration.
Combining a relational, parts-informed approach with practical ADHD support allows for both immediate improvements in daily life and deeper emotional healing over time.
About the Author
Lacey Redding is an ADHD therapist and coach specializing in trauma-informed, neurodivergent-affirming therapy for adults. She works with clients across Europe and the US, helping them navigate executive function challenges, emotional dysregulation, and adult ADHD experiences. Learn more at soundmindeurope.com.
